Experiences

So, I am undiagnosed, but it is heavily believed that I have Bipolar disorder (along with maybe some ADHD). This has impacted my life greatly recently, because I have been feeling it more and more.

A week ago, Tuesday, I was almost completely non-functional. I couldent concentrate or do anything without crying. I stayed home from school. When my mom got home, she took away the Kindle I was reading on and my cell phone. Her logic makes sense, if I stay home, no luxuries. But at that moment, it may have been the worst thing to do. My boyfriend had just been trying to convince me that I was wrong, I dont deserve to be isolated. And that isolation was the worst non-violent punishment our system has come up with.

I slept, and mom woke me up to say we were going to one of my fav restaurants, Mizuki Fusion. My eyes were puffy and swollen, I felt like I couldent open them all the way. I went out in public like this, but sullenly. The overwhelming sadness had gotten a little better, but not by a whole lot. I slept some more, then a day later got my period. Of course, the whole episode was blamed on that.

I do have a psychologist. I do talk to him about these sorts of things. But its just been so bad these past few weeks. Any amount of stress makes me want to cry, and I want to hit anyone that comes near. I try to refrain, and not let it show, but I do end up being a bit snippy. And I say "Sorry!!" to anyone I may have snipped at and hurt.

I have Pathfinder (role playing game, like Dungeons and Dragons) tomorrow. With my best friend, boyfriend, and others. Actually, we are a group of three couples. Weird how that worked out. I should go to bed now. I havent been getting the most sleep lately... But I dont want to leave my computer, where my source that strips the sadness is.

It may be argued that I dont know love, but I can believe that I have come close. He is near and dear to me, and we fit each other well. He strips away the sadness and loneliness, and just makes me smile and happy.

Well, good night.