My depression has been kicking up a storm. I can barely go one school day without crying, let alone the night too. Ive been crying a lot the last few nights, and I feel bad for my boyfriend who has been trying to counsel me through it. I go from feeling sorry for myself, to thinking im worthless, to becoming irritable and pissed off at everything. This has partially emerged as me and the boyfriend fighting.
We fight about whatever comes to my mind. Jobs, life, choices, whatever I can rant about. Recently that has lead to fight after fight. I dont know why I feel the urge to fight with him. I dont know why anyone ever wants to fight with a loved one. But I do. And it always gets me more depressed. I wish so much that I could stop it. I wish that I could control urges such as these. But as much as I wish, I cant. I know he understands this. That I dont want to fight with him. But it gets so so hard on him. I know this.
And its not only him. Other than basically one friend that I try my hardest not to fight with, I am snippy and testy. I have irritable responses when people try to talk to me. I snap at people that mean me no harm. And I argue with people that value me. I cant stand it. And I cant seem to stop it. I just want to be better!
Please, can I be better? I want to rise out of this dark place and shine. But its hard when it keeps me sucked in.
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